I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
He shit in the fireplace
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
