Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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