I wish my penis had an off switch
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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