ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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