yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
This girl is more easily done than said...
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
