I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
