the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
