Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Randomize
