): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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