Someone shit on the floor
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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