so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
our cab driver is having phone sex.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
