i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
