I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
