Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
