yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
