Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
