i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
