I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Randomize
