I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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