I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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