considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
