is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Randomize
