Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
