we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
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