She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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