dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Randomize
