Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
this beer tastes like vomit already
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Randomize
