It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
My ass is underappreciated
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
