Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
