I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
