my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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