All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I don't �care how much you're grieving �a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.�
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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