Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize