just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
