I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
