I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
