i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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