It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
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