You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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