im gay
i know
yea but for you.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
