I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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