I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
