At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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