My friends, they love my intelligence
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
