When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
