Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I'm determined to sit on that face.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
