If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I'm having to shit out rocks
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
