I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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