it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
