drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
